If Knoxville Had a Game of Thrones Battle: An In Depth Analysis


You guys do some crazy sh*t.


This week we had quite a few excellent questions, stories, and dad jokes in the anonymous mailbag.


Here are our favorites.


I feel like every single model you guys have is beautiful. Where do you find these girls? Also, is that guy with the curly hair single? Asking for a friend.


Our first photo shoot, we had no idea what we were doing. We have a lovely friend, Becca, who we think is cute and would do a good job. Ever since then, girls and guys have just sort of volunteered to be a part of our photo shoots. They are one of the most fun things we do! No comment on the status of Marlow.



My friends and I had this debate last weekend, and we need your help settling it. If Knoxville had a game of thrones type of battle, let’s say to take control of campus, which group of students has the advantage? I’m thinking we have three armies. Greeks, all student athletes, and everybody else. For the sake of argument, let’s assume no civilians. How does this play out?


Well, the first thing we have to take into consideration is the size of these groups.


Greeks make up roughly 4,000 students. Of those, 2,500 are in sororities and 1,500 in fraternities. This means that, at most, only 2,000 or so could really hold their own in a physical battle. However, I think you have to consider that this group would probably have the most resources and easily defensible positions (sorority village with a fence and river). They would also be close enough to take control of Walmart, winning them endless supplies and the rations necessary for a siege.


The second group here is only around 1,500 student athletes. However, in theory, these are the most physically fit. Additionally, they are used to working in teams and have tight bonds, with a pre-established chain of command. They would also most likely barricade themselves in Neyland, defending their positions from the balcony. This could lead to a prolonged and bloody standoff.


Finally, the independents make up around 10,000 students. At first, this sounds like a lot. However, there are so many different groups within this army that it could lead to factions and in-fighting. They would take presidential court, and most likely control the vital trade route of ped walk, without which an assault on Neyland could be suicide.


I think I have to go with the student athletes here. They have been training their bodies for years, and also know how to work together. Everybody else will eventually fall apart without strong leadership or direction. The only other army I think has a shot here are the independents if only for sheer numbers.




Dad jokes of the week:


- "What did the celery say when he broke up with his girlfriend? She wasn’t right for me, so I really don’t carrot all."


- “I heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there."


- "Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – it’s pasteurized before you even see it.”



As always, you can send your best entries to asknwiththeold@gmail.com